Wow ! It’s the year 2016 already.How time flies! This is when we start thinking about resolutions and changes. I wanted to talk about an issue that seems to be prevalent in our society today; the educated sister’s who are in a relationship with a man considered out of the”status quo.”Here you are with your degree, earning a six figure salary, with a great job AND no kids! What were you thinking when you hooked up with this guy?
Many women struggle with this dilemma, but should a man’s background and his lack of finances / a college education diminish the fact that he is still a good man?
Many times we are so blindsided by what society deems to be a great catch( he has money, is good looking and going places), that we forget things like character, integrity etc. We become shallow and sell out our happiness for money/social status.However, as strong, beautiful, educated, financially savvy women, never settle for the bottom of the barrel. There must be some type of balance. After all it’s your future.
In an attempt to make good choices, there are certain questions that you need ask yourself when going into or when you are in a relationship.
1.Relationship Goals: Do you want a partner or a companion? In other words, are you looking for someone to “kick it with,” or do you want a stable partner/husband in your life?
2. Character/Background: What is his relationship with his family like, especially with his mother? It sounds cliche, but a measure of how a man will treat you as the relationship progress, may depend on his family dynamics/background and/or how he treats his mom. Does he have any friends? What are they like? You know the saying “birds of a feather flock together..”
3. Personal Goals: What are his goals 5/10 years from now? 20 years?Does he seem ambitious? You should know if his goals are doable or if he is just feeding you a load of bull.
4. Parenting: How does he feel about children? If he has a child or children,observe how he treats them. Also note the relationship he has with the mother of his child(ren).If he does not have children, observe how he behaves around other people’s children.
5. Education. What is his highest educational achievement? Does he have a skill? What is it? Does he plan to go back to school?Does he have a lucrative career?
6. Finances. How is it looking? Swim or Sink? Pay close attention to how he spends his money. You have the spendthrift and the stingy man.However, you want to get the one in the middle; the wise spender, who knows how to budget. It is not how much you earn, but how you spend it.
7. Attitude. This is major! Does he overreact to the smallest things? Is he controlling? Is he extremely jealous? Is he illogical with his arguments? Girl the jealous/possessive thing is not cute and can become a major problem later on in ANY relationship. You are not in love, you are in LUST!! Many times lust turns into obsession.
8. Abuse. Is he abusive? This is non-negotiable, whether verbal or physical. Walk away from this relationship. If he curses at you, berates you, calls you names, constantly puts you down and/or BEATS you, LEAVE!!!!
Whew!!I hope I gave you some good pointers, but at the end of the day you must evaluate your priorities in life and decide what YOU are looking for in a partner ! Most importantly, if you are a child of God ALWAYS pray for wisdom, understanding and guidance in navigating the sea of love.
From my heart to yours,Peace , Love and Blessings .