I have written some blogs over the past couple months, but I never had the urge to post them. I struggled with the question “what do I want to write about?”The response was an overwhelming sound of nothingness…I thought, is this it? Am I getting writers block?
Then this week happened, where I mentored a young girl (who was a part of my counseling group),who was sexually molested when she was young and is now struggling with finding her identity in this cold harsh world. She told me that she had given up on God, because how could he have allowed this to happen to her? She explained that she started cutting herself, because it took away the pain and she did not have to face reality. She said that people keep telling her she needs to get over this, because it will destroy her. She looked at me, eyes watering and said “how do I move past this. How do I get over this?”
I thought about how profound her words were and how many of us cannot move past a traumatic period in our lives, whether it is personal, work or business related. I remember telling her about my band aid analogy and how people heal differently when it comes to emotional pain/traumatic experience.
- You can put a band aid over the wound, but that’s just a cover up, as the wound was not properly treated. There is the possibility that the wound could fester and become infected. Being infected relates to the manifestations of anger, depression, resentment and bitterness towards others, as well as yourself (self-hate). When you ignore the pain, pretend that it did not happen and do not deal effectively with the issue, you will not properly heal. Covering it up and ignoring it, will not make the pain go away.
- You can leave the wound open, with no cover up, and no treatment. This can also lead to infection, but at a quicker rate. In this state, you can immediately spiral out of control, your emotions fluctuating from anger to depression to sadness, all in one day. Your emotions are raw and you have made no attempt to address or deal with the issue at hand.You start to do things that you think will make you “get over” the pain or to not think about the pain. In the case of my mentee, it was cutting herself, in others it could be promiscuous behavior.
- You can properly treat the wound, where you start by cleaning it and applying an ointment to help the wound heal. Some wounds/cuts, you have to clean once a day, some twice a day. No matter how often, there is always a systematic consistency in how the wound is treated, until it heals. Many times there will be a scar to remind you of that deep wound you received, sometimes the scare will fade away, but the area remains sore.
In the case of emotional wounds, you have to get to a place, where you can confront the pain (start to cleanse your soul and your mind), and get help through a family therapist, counselor, mentor or a pastor to name a few (the ointment). By reaching out to someone, you can get the help you need to start healing. Healing does not happen overnight, especially if the event was extremely traumatic and any discussion of the experience might be off limits for years to come, but the goal is to start the healing process. You might not forget or “get over it,” but you can reach a point in your life where thinking about the experience, does not cause intense emotional trauma (anxiety, anger or stress to name a few) and that you can continue on with your day. The goal is to be able to heal emotionally, create positive relationships and make positive decisions in your life.
I prayed with this young lady, spoke positive things over her life and hugged her. I told her God loves her, that she is loved and He will make her an overcomer. I will continue to work with this beautiful young lady and pour love into her life. I told her that every day I want her to always reflect on something positive and to reflect on something that makes her happy. She looked on me and said “today, you made me happy.” Wow….I was speechless (anyone who knows me, knows that I don’t get speechless often). She said that I made a difference by taking the time to listen to her and it felt good to be able to talk about what happened in her past. People, this is what it is about, right here, right now.
John 15:12 (nkjv) says,” This is my commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you.” So show love, go out into the world and make a difference in someone’s life. Be the change you want to see.
If you know of a child that is being sexually abused/ abused or is contemplating suicide, please refer to the numbers below and get help for them.
If you are thinking about suicide, please call:
Suspected Child Abuse
The Florida Abuse Hotline:
Florida Relay 711 or TTY: (800) 453-5145
Make it an awesome week!
© 2017. Tameka A. Williams. All Rights Reserved.